Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better

“I can do anything better than you.”

I am more moral than the god of The Bible. I shall prove it here by re-writing The 10 Commandments to contain more morality, fewer silly rules, and greater specificity.   Which version of The 10 Commandments doesn’t matter and I am re-creating them entirely. I shall throw out the nonsensical and bring in the moral. This is not to be considered a complete list – just as The Bible has many, many rules that aren’t in the Top Ten.

The New and Improved 10 Commandments!
(with 100% less Charlton Heston)

  1. Do not put anything of yourself into any other living creature unless that creature explicitly invites you.

  2. Do not steal, by theft or deceit, anything that does not belong to you.

  3. Do not own other people.

  4. Read #1 again. It’s that important.

  5. Do not kill other people. Ever. Even if (especially if) you believe a invisible, power-mad, supernatural and disembodied individual tells you to do so.

  6. Go ahead and read #5 (and give another glance at #1 too) again. Notice there are no loopholes.

  1. Do your best to be honest with other people. As it is impossible *never* to lie, just do your best to make sure no one is going to be irrevocably harmed by your dishonesty.

  2. Do not needlessly harm or torture animals (this includes human beings). If you want to eat an animal (this does not include human beings – see rule #5), ok, but makes sure that it dies as painlessly as possible. If you raise animals to eat them, feed them and treat them well.

  3. If it’s not clear yet, murder, rape, molestation, torture, and theft are all right out. If you think there’s a moral justification for them, you are incorrect.

  4. Do not trust a list of things that tells you what is moral or not. Odds are, there are some grey areas, and things that once were considered moral, but are, in retrospect, truly horrifying. Think for yourself. Reason for yourself.

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